Becoming Mrs J: The Honeymoon Edition

clears cobwebs and steps down gloriously from honeymoon

My dearest blog fam,
Calvary greetings to you in the name of our Lord. I trust that this meets you well. If so, doxology. Hehehehehehehehehehehe!! Wazaaaaaaaaaaaap my people??? Chai – it has been too long! Between the weekly newsletters to blog subscribers (if you are not subscribed, wetin you gain? Oya click here to subscribe now) and life in general, I am so sorry for abandoning my love – this blog! Gosh, I have missed you guys so much. I hope you all are doing GREAT, staying happy, healthy and productive, and generally living your best lives.

Soooo – this is the final part of the “Becoming Mrs J” series. In case you missed the previous posts, click here to catch up on part 1 and here for part 2. This final edition is the one where I share about our honeymoon – I know many months have passed since then, but I still feel like a new bride, so it counts, lol. A lot of people ask me how married life is, and to be honest, it feels like the honeymoon came back to Lagos with us. The Lord is good! And we respond: all the time!!!

KJ and PJ smiling in Miami
Honeymooners!!!

Ideally, your honeymoon should be fun and enjoyable for BOTH of you! To ensure that this is the case (and one person does not feel cheated), there are a couple of considerations that need to be made when thinking through when and how to honeymoon, the major ones being the timing, location(s) and of course your budget.

Timing
You can choose to head out for the honeymoon right after the wedding or postpone till a later time. Although my preference was to go immediately after, because delay is typically dangerous, there are several reasons why folks postpone for later. It could be that one of the partners has just started a new job and is not eligible for vacation, there is an important family event coming up that requires your presence or perhaps, the honeymoon cash money is not yet complete. My biggest advice for avoiding the last reason (a.k.a cash money isn’t complete) is this: Pay for your honeymoon FIRST!

Funding
The most important tip when it comes to ensuring you have a fabulous honeymoon, and not a ‘struggle moon’ as one of my friends calls it, is to pay for it FIRST. Pay for your honeymoon before you start paying for food and drinks and décor and all the other seemingly ‘important’ elements of your wedding ceremonies. Your honeymoon is one of the few things you will enjoy for yourselves because no matter how much you spend on food/drinks (and these are usually the most expensive cost items), you will barely eat/drink anything that is served at your wedding. The only thing I ate at my wedding reception was puff puff! Can you imagine? Between being so happy and trying to remain snatched (hehehehe), I did not have appetite for food! PJ, who was obviously not trying to be snatched, ate only amala while we waited in the car and that was it. So, you can imagine how hurt we would have been if we didn’t prioritize our honeymoon that we thoroughly and ‘solo-ly’ enjoyed from the beginning to the end!

Moving back to timing – PJ and I decided to go immediately after the wedding. We did not trust that some other random and important thing (work, family, etc) would not come up in December, lol. As I said before, delay is dangerous. It also helped that December tickets are usually expensive, so we humbly went in September. I guess if you get married in June, July ticket prices might try to break your heart, so the earlier you plan and pay, the better.

Location
On locations, there are many dimensions to selecting the dream destination. What passport do you have? Is your passport Nigerian green? Are you in the mood for visa applications or not? Are you BOTH happy to be in a cold place or  must it be sunshine all day long for you to be happy? Are you BOTH okay with looking at blue water for one whole week, or would you prefer to hear small noise that reminds you of Lagos? Do you want to stay in just one place or would like to explore multiple locations? It is extremely important to discuss these things and jointly agree on what you BOTH want. This is one holiday that you both have to enjoy and really cherish for years to come, so making it suitable for both parties is non-negotiable. You can’t start this lifetime adventure with one person feeling disgruntled. Amen?

One important deciding criterion was that we wanted a destination that would require the least visa hassle. None of us were in the mood for going to any consulate or VFS office. Once we  decided on the locations,  we outsourced the planning to our reliable friends at Naija Nomads who worked their magic while we just continued living our best lives, lol. You can choose to plan your honeymoon yourself if you have the time and capacity, but we chose not to because we were both working full-time, overseeing wedding planning and living life at the same time. It made both common and economic sense to outsource to experts for a token fee.If you know me well, you know I am the QUEEN of outsourcing, so I didn’t need too much convincing.

Our honeymoon was spread across 3 cities in 2 countries (we are an adventurous couple who like both water and city life). PJ was the one who got to choose the locations. We chose to go to cities we had never visited before in the United States of America and with a little help from Jay-Z, PJ also chose Turks & Caicos, a beautiful island country not too far from The Bahamas that is literally a type and shadow of paradise. To be honest, I had never heard of it until PJ suggested it, and he had never heard of it until our family friend Uncle Jay-Z rapped about it some 16/17 years back on the track “What More Can I Say”, lol. For the cool kids, Drake also gave a shout out to Grace Bay (a strip on one of the islands) on his ‘Gold Roses’ track with Rick Ross. Apparently, Drake visits the island about 6 times a year and that was the first place he visited when he first bought a private jet.  Let me quickly confess that all these fun facts are courtesy of PJ – you people know I am not that ‘woke’, hehehehe. Anyway, I digress – we did not go and greet Drake there, lol. The best part of T&C – we could get in using our U.S visas!!!!!

Sky views of Turks and Caicos
Turks and Caicos is so bae – even from the skies!!

I am convinced that PJ also wanted to make sure that we went to a new country, so I could finally hit Country 40 (despite the Jordanian disappointment earlier in the year). Turks & Caicos was the perfect country to ring in 40 from, and I had the best company with me as well! Thank you, PJ!!!!

KJ and PJ at Turks and Caicos airport
Touchdown Country 40!!!

Itinerary
We knew that being on an island for 10 days would be too much (I mean we like water but not for 10days, lol), and we also needed to break our travel into manageable chunks. We flew into Miami Beach via New York, spent a couple of days there before heading to Turks & Caicos for 5 days. We then decided to switch up the whole water/beach vibe and head to New Orleans (back to the US) for the culture (and Lagos-like noise) on our way back to Nigeria. Lots of travel (about 9 flights in total) but it was the perfect itinerary and it is definitely my best holiday so far. At the end of the day, a honeymoon is just an extra special and sexy  baecation, lol. The actual destinations don’t matter, as long as you both enjoy yourselves and have plenty alone time together. So, don’t break the bank o!

Stop 1: Miami- US of A
In Miami, we mainly ate and slept! I think we needed the sleep from all the wedding higi-haga. We just kept sampling nice restaurants and eating delicious food. After months and months of watching my waistline for the wedding dress, it was soooo good to be able to eat without watching nothing, hehehehehehehe. 

This was the last time I saw my abs on this trip, lol

We even had one super fancy dress-up dinner at Nobu – so fancy, I wore heels, lol. We had planned to even go clubbing but I could hardly stay awake past like 9pm because the jet lag was real!!!!

KJ and PJ eating Gelato in Miami
Mummy and Daddy Gelatooooo, lol
Post-lunch happiness at The Kardashians’ favorite restaurant in Miami
KJ abd PJ in a fancy restaurant in Miami
Dressed up for dinner but could hardly stay awake, lol

Stop 2: Turks and Caicos
In Turks and Caicos, the eating continued (nom nom nom) but we got off our behinds and did more activities. Our hotel was so luxurious, it was hard to actually leave the premises, so we would go out on some days and just stay in on some other days.

Gorgeous view from our hotel room

We went jet-skiing, water tubing, parasailing (let me not expose my darling husband here, hehehehe) and beach house window shopping along the beautiful waters of the island, lol.

KJ and PJ parasailing in Turks
This PJ’s smile from the sky is fake – uncle does not like sky games, lol
On the other hand, I was busy taking photos while PJ was on the jet-ski – I dont like water games too!
KJ and PJ on ATVS in Turks
Both of us don’t mind land games!

Naija Nomads hooked us up with an amazing guide who doubled as our driver and tour guide (hey Redz!!!) He gave us some good history lessons about the island and made sure we went to all the hot spots (you know those places where The Kardashians and Drake typically go, lol).

He also gave us the inside scoop on who is who on the island, including the one Nigerian on the island – Mr Emeka – who has a store! Igbo Kwenu! Everywhere we go!! He even took us to Prince’s (awon Daddy Purple Rain) purple house and it was ‘opelope anointing’ that we did not get thrown out for trespassing, lol.

This beach house is going on my vision board abeg!

I really enjoyed our time in Turks – their food had the most pepper of all the locations we visited, and it was just a BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL island! PJ has vowed to go back there, and me, I am a willing accomplice for that kain waka, lol. Leggo!!!

Stop 3: New Orleans- US of A
New Orleans was also food-centric, hehehe. Sorry guys, it was like the first time in a long time that I was not watching my weight. I just kept eating.

First meal in New Orleans and I was too happy!
PJ was trying to stop me but this sugar puff-puff/doughnut was irresistible
I found my family street in New Orleans, whooop!!!

We also got to visit a few historical spots. I was quite taken aback by how openly they advertised voodoo (juju, jazz) and I subconsciously kept pleading the blood of Jesus as often as I could. I didn’t even have the liver to enter any of these shops – abeg, I can’t shout! The one that blew my mind was the advert for voodoo disposal that was on a refuse/garbage truck – as in there is even a process to dispose of jazz. Oluwa o!

Nkan mbe – the foreign version!

Apart from all that jazz sha, the food was sweet. That said, I think the only thing that would take me back to NOLA would be the Essence Festival, but I am not even in a rush to attend that one except I am a speaker. Amen somebody? 😊

Glowing in NOLA!

Finally, we came back to Nigeria on Friday so we would have the weekend to settle in before heading back to work. We had gotten our decorator to do up the house while we were away, so we returned to a pleasant surprise in our home. As I said, the honeymoon is not over – we brought it back to Lagos with us and will take it wherever we are going.

As a reminder, your honeymoon is for BOTH of you, and it is important that you BOTH enjoy it and jointly make beautiful memories (and/or babies) regardless of when or where you decide to go for it 😊. And if you didn’t go on honeymoon, that’s okay too – as long as you both somehow find time to get away alone and just enjoy yourselves.

This is my ‘too much food’ face

That’s all for now, friends. Please share your honeymoon stories, tips, dreams, desires, etc, with me in the comments section. I would have asked for fantasies, but we are aiming to keep this blog PG 13, so another place and another day, lol.

Hugs,
KJ

Becoming Mrs J: Our love story – as told by Mr J

Our love story is here!!!! Hello people! You spoke, and I listened!!! By popular demand, here is the story of how we met and started our love journey. You know the best part? I got PJ to tell us the story, so he is the one who wrote this post. I have only added my own comments in italics and inserted the photos as well (PJ don’t gat time for that, lol).

In the beginning – between France, Spain and Nigeria

Back in April 2016, one of my friends and former colleagues at British American Tobacco (BAT), Miss Enitan Kuku hit me up one weekend on WhatsApp while she was studying for her MBA at IESE in Spain.

KJ:
Enitan and I met in June 2014 on the first edition of the Mandela Washington Fellowship. We stayed in touch from time to time after the fellowship. I guess we also have Obama to thank for this, lol.

Kemi, Pelumi and Enitan - the lady who connected them
Enitan the plug!!!

She said, “Bro, there’s this lovely lady I want you to meet. I think you guys would make a great fit”. Kemi had gone to spend a weekend in Spain where she and Enitan reconnected. I thought to myself “I’ve heard this a thousand times before but cool beans, let us give this one a try”. She then went on to confirm that I was not seeing anyone at the time.

[KJ: I like Enitan – the girl did not want to come and cause wahala in another young girl’s life, lol].

Before she went off the chat, I asked if I could see a photograph of the said great babe because as a baby boy, the first thing you see is not the sweet Jesus or the thoughtfulness inside but the sweet baby doll on the outside. [KJ: Hehehehehe!!]. When she sent me Kemi’s picture, I played it cool and was like, “She aight” 😂😂😂 but in my mind I was saying “She ain’t bad at all o”.

Kemi looking regal in her gold traditional outfit and laughing
She ain’t bad at all? Hahahahahahahahaha!!!

Enitan would not quit without locking something down, so she literally set up a meeting for 13th August 2016 and put it in our respective calendars (that’s the only reason I can remember this date).
[KJ: The way Enitan close-marked me to lock in a date in my calendar was exasperating. I remember agreeing to the meeting so that she could just get off my back, lol. Thank you Enitan – we are super grateful for your resilience in this matter].

The first meeting – dinner in Lagos

By the time I met Kemi in person in August 2016 at Ginger Tapas, she “don blow” as we say in the local parlance because her INSEAD valedictorian speech had gone viral. But knowing your boy, I did not bring it up in our first conversation – I feigned ignorance because I couldn’t be “stan-ing” on the first date. [KJ: But he was stan-ing low key o! Hehehehehe!!].
Enitan wisely arrived an hour late for the meeting so we didn’t have a choice but to start talking to each other, while we waited for her. We ordered our drinks – I ordered a bottle of STAR as per standard procedure and she ordered some non-alcoholic beverage, also as per standard procedure. I didn’t sip my drink immediately after clinking glasses with Kemi. She stared at me in horror and told me some European folktale about 7 years of poor sex for the person who doesn’t drink immediately after clinking glasses. I sharply told her, “Olorun ma je (God forbid)”. She didn’t know I was praying for her!!! LOL! Kemi, you need to give me a prophet’s offering o!
[KJ: I agree with you PJ – hope you deducted it from my bride price as discussed, lol].

Kemi and Pelu taking a selfie in an elevator
Our first photo together in 2016 – as you can see, he was feeling the girl 🙂

The initial meeting went well as Kemi realized this guy she now calls PJ is built different and is The Chosen One. [KJ: *side eye* I definitely did not leave that meeting thinking he was the chosen one. I did think he was interesting and would be a good person to have in my network]. I discovered she is BIG on family, ambitious but most importantly, kind and thoughtful. On the family front, it was her grandpa’s funeral that weekend, so she was just sharing memories of the legend her grandpa was (Papa was the baby boy’s baby boy) and how he meant so much to her. We spoke about work as she was “funemployed” at the time, and also spoke about life in general. During the conversation, we also realized that we had quite a number of mutual friends/acquaintances.
[KJ: Lagos is much smaller than we all think! Let us be well-behaved always]

I didn’t make much of our meeting at the time as I was talking to another girl at the time with the intention to date. I just kept things friendly and warm with Kemi. I figured she could be a good friend, at the very least. Even though we went on to date other people shortly after we met, we stayed in touch. From time to time, Kemi would message/call me to ask advice as they don’t call me the Sage of Iperu for nothing. [KJ: Osheeey, My Wikipedia, hahahaha]

Lunch in Cape Town

Fast forward to April 2017, I was off to Cape Town for the Easter holidays. Kemi randomly reached out and while catching up, she mentioned that she was supposed to be in Johannesburg for training around the same time but was having visa wahala.
[KJ:  I was going to say as per standard procedure, but I have taken all my visa issues to the Lord in prayer and from now on, it is all seamless in Jesus name! Amen!].
Once her visa issues were sorted, she decided to go skydiving in Cape Town first and we ended up overlapping in Cape Town for a day. She tried to rope me into her crazy skydiving adventure, but I told her I didn’t want to give my village people in Iperu (who I had escaped in Nigeria) an opportunity to make mincemeat of me all the way in Cape Town, lol. Ko le werk! So, we struck a deal – I would buy her lunch in exchange for an exemption from the adrenaline-fueled experiment. Lunch was great at Paranga by Clifton Beach [KJ: We should go back there soon!!!!] We also had the company of my good friend, Lekan, at that lunch as I didn’t want Kemi thinking things, lol. Again, I didn’t make much of this meeting as I was still happily in love with my then-girlfriend. [KJ: *sips tea*]

Kemi and Pelu at lunch in a restaurant
Lunch was yum – see satisfied smiles 😉

I left Cape Town the next day while she jumped out of a plane and then went on for her training in Johannesburg. We remained friends, but I didn’t know there were fractures anew in Kemi’s then-relationship
[KJ: Fractures anew? Why is this thing sounding like a King James Version something? Lol].
It really did not matter to me then because as I said above, I was still happy in my relationship.
[KJ: Uncle, we have heard o! No one is blaming you for the fractures anew, hehehe].
By May, she had broken up with her then-boyfriend (which she didn’t tell guys) and immediately went back to South Africa for a 6-month project. Little did I know that my own relationship too was about to end.
[KJ: And you also withheld information for months and didn’t tell babes, lol]

Building the friendship over FaceTime

After my relationship ended, I realized I was talking to Kemi every day. She was still in South Africa at the time, so FaceTime Audio with that my dead iPhone 5s and daily WhatsApp chats became the norm. I wasn’t sure if I truly liked Kemi or if I was just dealing with the hurt of my failed relationship. We always managed to meet up whenever she was in town for the weekend, but your boy wasn’t ready to be committal because I was not clear if it was rebound things or it was just me being in point guard position. By October 2017, it was clear that Kemi had caught mad feelings for your boy. [KJ: You wish!!! Lol]. Can’t blame her though – what other option did she have? LOL! [KJ: Young man, be guided, hehehehe].

Kemi and Pelu on a video call
Video calls to the rescue!

However, the baby boy spirit in me was alive and well and was not going to quit without a fight. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, we remained good friends all the way through to early December 2017. This baby boy spirit made me ‘ghost’ on Kemi in December 2017.
[KJ: I will spare you the gory details of this ghosting experience but let’s just say he was pre-occupied with other concerns. Even though I didn’t let the ghosting ruin my Christmas holidays, the thing pained me sha but hey, look who is laughing now! Hahahahaha.]

Kemi and Pelu sitting at an airport and laughing while crossing their hands (and showing off an engagement ring)
Look who is laughing now o!!!! Hehehehehehe

In January 2018, I called her to wish her a Happy New Year and we discussed our plans for the year, I told her that 2018 was the year I would propose to my future wife. I then jokingly “e fit be you o”.
[KJ: I remember rolling my eyes and just being like ‘whatever’ mscheeew, lol]. At this time, Kemi was quite mad at me because of my ghosting shenanigans amongst other irritations and heart palpitations I had caused her.

The turning point

Our friendship was not the same – we were chatting about once a month and she was no longer as responsive in those conversations. A few months later, I realized this and asked her to meet up with me, so we could talk things over and achieve closure. Little did I know that I was going to close one chapter of my life while opening a new book in my life. [KJ: Osheeeeyyyy!! See bars!!!]. We spoke about life as always and just as I thought the conversation was going to continue to be sweet and cheerful [KJ: because you know, I am a sweet baby doll, hehehehe], Kemi dropped two expletive-laden sentences while expressing how deeply hurt she was about how I had toyed with her emotions. Those sentences came as quite the shockers because Kemi had never used expletives before in conversation with me or anyone else.
[KJ: Guys, the thing pained me gan and I felt like I needed the homeboy to know how hurt I was. I am sorry again, Lord Jesus. I won’t do it again, I promise].
The more shocking part was that she didn’t use just one expletive, she used two different ones in two different sentences, lol. At that point, I realized, “Aiye mi, t’emi ba mi” (a.k.a. ‘its all over, Jackie).

Pelu with his hands up in the air in playful surrender

I was never going to trade my friendship with Kemi for anything, so I went back home to do some introspection. Then I said to myself, “Pelu, don’t be unfortunate and let this special girl go”.

Starting afresh

I decided to get back in the game and went on the charm offensive with her. But Kemi was not easy on me this time around. One occasion that stands out was when we bumped into each other at a mutual client’s office. We were chatting [KJ: Actually, you were trying to get me to confirm a lunch or dinner meet-up with you and I was not really responding] and as we were exiting the reception, we literally walked into each other. I personally don’t believe in coincidences because I know God doesn’t make mistakes. I told Kemi that I had taken that as a sign – which was very much needed since we were just working things back and I had only just told her that we needed to get serious. Of course, after I had done ten-ten (played games) with her feelings in 2017, it would have been infantile of me to expect that she would just ride with me so quickly.

She finally agreed to meet me for breakfast and I think she did so grudgingly because she came looking her possible worst. She came straight from boxing classes and was sweaty as hell but that was the day the Lord opened my eyes to the wonder of her booty 😂😂😂
[KJ: Hahahahaha, everything looks better in gym clothes, lol]

Kemi and her waist
No caption needed, lol…

Prior to this encounter, I had never really paid attention to her body, since I was more focused on her character, spirit and intellect. That day however, the Yoruba man in me came out. I was even more convinced about convincing her to give us a chance to work. [KJ: No words!]

Popping the question pre-Lebanon

I kept at this for about 3 months till June when I asked her to be my girlfriend the night before she left for her Lebanon trip.
[KJ: Homeboy dey fear say I go find Lebanese lover, hahahahahal].
I was dropping her off at her Aunt’s house when I asked, and I can never forget her response. She said, “Please, I cannot tell my children that this is how I was toasted/courted. You will have to work”. Under my breath, I said “Mo gbe”. It was obvious that since I had messed up my first chance when things were much easier, I was going to do plenty work to just normalize the relationship.

Kemi swept off her feet by Pelu at their traditional wedding ceremony
He is still doing the plenty work, lol

Fast forward to 22nd August 2018, while on some midnight chat with Kemi, she decided she was ready to officially date me. I think she chose that date for ease of remembrance as it’s her bestie’s birthday. [KJ: Hi DeeDee]

Popping the REAL question in Mozambique

On 25th December 2018, while on a NaijaNomads holiday in Mozambique, your boy got down on one knee and proposed. She said YES and shed one tear. [KJ: I promised that I wasn’t going to cry, lol. You are lucky you even got one tear. But yooo, I was so emotional!]

Kemi and Pelu doing the peace sign at a dinner table (just before he proposed)
Moments before the proposal – I nefer hexperredit

 As I told Kemi, even though I was kneeling, I stood upon The Rock of Ages to give her a rock for the ages! [KJ: And the church said – AMEN!!]

Since we got engaged, introduced and now married, it has been a lovely journey and I am excited about our amazing future together. I love you, KO! [KJ: Yup, he still calls me KO!]

Kemi and Pelu smiling into the camera with Kemi's hand on Pelu's chest
First outing post-engagement (I think my smiles are even wider now)

Final note: It has been an incredible journey going from friends to lovers and now life partners. I honestly would not change anything about our journey (except that December ghosting sha). I love you, PJ!!!

Alright people, that’s it from us! I am sure you know that before, in between and after this telenova described above was a lot of prayers, a lot of seeking God’s face and a lot of trusting in God’s will for our lives. We cannot over-emphasize the role that the grace of God played in our lives on this entire journey and we are truly grateful to God for that grace!

Kemi and Pelu kneeling in prayer during their church wedding ceremony
Prayer is the Master key!🙏🏽

If you have any questions for PJ, please drop it in the comments section. I will humbly ask him to respond, lol. If the questions are for me, let me know and I will humbly respond too, hehehe. Honeymoon post is next, yaaay!!!! Stay blessed.

Hugs,
KJ

Becoming Mrs J: Kemi’s guide to planning a fabulous stress-free wedding

*walks in ringing wedding bells* Hello beautiful people!!! Trust you are all doing very well. I think this one time, my absence is somewhat forgiveable, lol. I have been away getting married! Yup, you read that right! August was my wedding month and between trying to wrap up at work, actual preparations for the various ceremonies and exploring the moon, I have been fully occupied! I will be sharing some details (and tips) of our stress-free wedding planning process, and wedding ceremonies in this post.

My heart is sooo full of gratitude to God for the successful wedding ceremonies and more importantly, an amazing start to this lifetime journey. I suspect, I owe you the full ‘how we met story’ but the short version of it is that our friendship caught fire at the right time and here we are now!!!

The JUNIT kissing near a tree
Kemi and PJ standing near flowers – complete it! Hahaha

I wrote this on a long flight – I had been traveling for almost 24 hours and was supposed to be completely exhausted, deep in sleep and probably snoring at the time. However, I mistakenly had a Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino that afternoon and my body decided to turnioniown, lol. I had not had caffeine in years, so I think my body went into some state of shock and my eyes refused to close. I read a 262-page book (Gabrielle Union’s “We are going to need more wine”), read up work emails and I was still unable to fall asleep. So, I figured I’d use the ‘eye-shining’ time to catch up with you guys here.

Kemi the bride looking ahead with airplanes in the background

Mehn, I had a BLAST at my wedding! I had a really good time at all the events- from the bridal shower, to the traditional engagement ceremony and the white wedding (the vows were the highlight for me), I had an incredible time!!! Scratch that, we – PJ & I – had an incredible time. So surreal. I call my husband PJ, which is a short form of his actual name – Pelumi Joseph. Yeah, that means my new name is Kemi Joseph – KJ for short, hehehehehe. In fact, in addition to the official hashtag of the wedding #TheJUNIT (click here to catch all the highlights on Instagram), my bestie created her own hashtag for the wedding #KOtoKJ, lol. I digress! I was talking about how much fun we had during the wedding. As I reflected on how we were able to successfully plan and enjoy the events, I realize it was all about adequate preparation and stakeholder management, powered by the Grace of God! Let me share some of the things we did on this journey.

The JUNIT (Kemi and Pelu) dancing into their after-party
We had a BLAST and a half!

Agree on your priorities

Immediately after we got engaged in December during the Naija Nomads Mozambique trip which I wrote about here, we started discussing potential dates and as soon as our families agreed to the final dates, we swung into action. It also helped that I had a few weeks off work in January, so I had the bandwidth to engage and lock in a few big-ticket (and as such, potentially stressful) items. Before we engaged Qwint Perfect, our incredible wedding planner (click here to see my review / ‘thank you ’post to her), PJ and I sat down to agree on our individual top 3 non-negotiables for the wedding ceremonies, so that we could prioritize accordingly. For me, it was music, photography and that our guests were well-fed. For PJ, it was my outfits (I mean, his baby girl gotta look good, Yes? Lol), the music and that our guests were well-lubricated. We also both agreed to prioritize our honeymoon and as soon as we aligned on these things, decision-making on how we allocated resources became much simpler.

Kemi the bride and Pelu the groom looking into each other's eyes
The ‘look-gooding’ bride and groom, lol

Outsource – get a solid planner

You must also know by now that I am the queen of outsourcing anything that is not within my core areas of strength. I knew that I would not be able to devote the level of time and energy required to deliver the kind of excellent event we desired, so hiring a great wedding planner was non-negotiable. I trusted our planner – Qwint Perfect – to ensure that all the details were covered, and I also empowered her to make some decisions. She is the expert and I chose to trust her. This significantly reduced the stress of wedding planning and allowed me focus on work and other important things like preparing for the actual marriage – including both church counselling sessions and personal Christian-based marriage counselling sessions (I did one with Bisi of Secret Place Wives and a couple of online ones). There is no point paying for a wedding planner and low-key still planning the wedding yourself. That’s just going to end up stressing you in double portion! There is also no point spending so much time preparing for the wedding and forgetting to prepare for the marriage. Selah!

Kemi the bride and her marriage counsellor, Bisi of Secret Place Wives
After one of my marriage prep sessions with Secret Place Wife

Outsource some more – hire a stylist (if you can afford it!)

I also hired a bridal stylist to manage all things related to my looks for the 2 major ceremonies – pulling together the overall look (including hair, makeup, etc), sourcing fabrics and accessories, dealing with designers and other vendors and coordinating all other outfit related logistics. I styled myself for the introduction but I had The Wardrobe Manager handling the looks for the traditional ceremony, white wedding and wedding reception. I honestly could not have done what Tosin did for me (see my review here). If you know the number of things she saved me from ehn! Hahaha!

Kemi the bride dancing her way into the traditional ceremony while BeeJaySax plays
Having a stylist allowed me to focus on getting my dance moves right, lol

If you can afford a stylist, please don’t think twice before hiring one. I promise you, the investment is worth it! Some event planners double as stylists but refer to what I said about core areas of strength – I believe in letting everyone focus on their focus so that we can all make magic together. In fact, it was our planner that suggested that I hired a stylist given my work and travel schedule – she advised me well!

Kemi the bride with her bridal stylist - Tosin of The Wardrobe Manager
With the incredible Tosin of The Wardrobe Manager – my stylist of life!

To bridal train or not to bridal train?

Another thing that minimized our wedding planning stress was our decision not to have a bridal party. We both have a close group of friends who we love dearly but as we weighed our options, we concluded that the stakeholder management required would be too much. We would have to choose a color (which might not have suited everyone perfectly), then decide on who would design the outfits (and God bless you if the designer decides to force everyone to wear the same style, GOSH!), then decide on what color of shoes (which not everyone might have in their closet), then decide on the hairstyle for the ladies (then someone would complain about having to buy a weave they hate), etc. Too much wahala!!! Oh, by the way, all these things would not have been free o – it would have been a significant cost to them.

Kemi the bride and Pelu with their aso-ebi ladies in teal outfits
Our amazing ladies! Can you imagine if I had a bridal train? Lol!!!

We decided not to burden our friends or ourselves with that wahala – best decision ever! Our friends were low-key grateful that they had the liberty to wear whatever they wanted and focus on enjoying the events without any undue obligations. Besides you should have seen people on the white wedding day, so many stunning looks. What a relief!!! Again, our best man and maid of honor were EXCEPTIONAL, and they didn’t make us regret the decision.

Make up your mind quickly and keep it moving

We were quite decisive and didn’t drag out decision-making. No matter what vendor you go with, there will always be someone better, so contentment is super important here. We ensured that we largely stuck to the budget and paid for things earlier rather than later. One of the major causes of anxiety is linked to unavailability of your desired vendors, especially for makeup, hair, music, photography and compering services. We didn’t want any stories that touch so we locked them in way back in January and then continued to uphold them in prayers all through till August, lol.

Kemi and Pelu wearing the traditional outfits
😍😍

Remember, you are ONE team

Finally, we discussed EVERYTHING with each other and the other set of major stakeholders in wedding planning – our parents. There were points of differences and minor conflicts along the way, but we were focused on the important things, conceded a lot, but still remembered that we were working together as a team. Agreeing on our priorities upfront (see first point above) also helped in ensuring we stayed focused.

Kemi the bride and Pelu the groom with their parents and siblings
Our super family – parent and siblings!❤💛💙

Get the help of GOD!

Despite our best intentions and calculations and planning, we could not have pulled off any of this without the help of God. Our testimony is that we were MARVELOUSLY HELPED by God all through this process. He sent us help through our devoted and loving family and friends and our excellent partners/vendors – EVERYONE delivered excellently, except the asun guy that forgot the date, hehehehehe. We had perfect weather on both days, there was PALPAPLE JOY on both days, we enjoyed the MANIFEST PRESENCE of GOD on both days and we all felt surrounded by EXCESS LOVE on both days. They were truly glorious celebrations of God’s love and faithfulness and we are so so so grateful to our Good Good Father God for honoring us with such amazing Grace.

Kemi the bride smiling and holding a Bible
With the most important item of all – the Bible!

A big THANK YOU to everyone who came out to celebrate with us, sent in prayers and well-wishes, gifts and words of encouragement. We are also very grateful to you. God bless you and cause your celebrations of joy to be unending in Jesus name. Amen

I promise to bring the ‘how we met’ story next. Or do you want the honeymoon deets instead? Apart from those 2 topics, what else would you like to know? Finally, what is the one advice/well-wish you have for me on this new journey (this was my favorite part of my bridal shower!!)

Hugs,

KJ (Hahahahaha – feels weird right now but we will be alright!)

p.s – the proposal video is on the 4th slide of this IG post

Kemi’s Guide to making the most of your adult education experience

Over the past few weeks, I celebrated 2 graduation anniversaries – 12 years since my commencement from the prestigious Covenant University and 3 years since my convocation from the equally prestigious INSEAD Business School.  During the celebrations, I did some reflection and had the chance to speak to a few folks going to business school, so this post is a natural extension of those conversations.

No comments – the year was 2007, lol

Yup, school season is upon us and a good number of folks are getting ready to head back to school for their post-graduate degrees. You might be heading out for an MBA or a different Master’s degree – regardless of the choice of study is, I believe there will be something relevant for you in this post.

Sorry but I had to drag Dee into this, hehehehehe

First things first, congratulations on securing admission!!! I know the journey to get here was not child’s play – doing research on schools and programs, writing exams (GMAT, GRE, IELTS, etc), writing a ton of essays, filling endless biodata forms, meeting your own submission deadlines, getting your references/recommenders to submit their letters on time, raising funds to pay initial deposit, applying for scholarships, securing accommodation and so much more. You have done great to get to this stage, so pause and give yourself a big hug. You have done well! WELL DONE, CHAMP!!!

I want to remind you that you are making a substantial investment into your life/career and I truly celebrate your resilience in going through the process. I know that these international degrees are not cheap, and if you really do your maths well, you will realize that the total cost to you is not just the tuition and living expenses. The cost to you also includes the lost income (all the salaries you wont collect while you are away), the time away from family and friends (and this is more important than we realize) and much more. That said, this is a worthwhile adventure and investment that will pay off, so you’ll be alright eventually 😊

Being away from the gang is tough but it will end in praise

Now that you are finally off to school, how do we make sure the school fees doesn’t burn? How do we make sure that you take full advantage of the opportunity and get the full benefits from this adult education experience? I am going to be sharing a few tips from my personal perspective of getting an MBA, but I am sure they will also be applicable to other programs.

1. Immerse yourself wholeheartedly into the program. Dear friend, once you leave home, stop looking back like Lot’s wife. I encourage you to really throw yourself into being a student all over again. Leave all your big boy and big girl shoulder pad in Lagos and just be a child hungry for knowledge. Everyone in your class will have an impressive CV, and trust me, you will not escape feeling intimidated from time to time (for some, it will be your first time being a minority in school). However, don’t waste your energy feeling timid, second-guessing yourself or trying to out-do anyone. You earned your right to be in the program just as much as anyone else did, so you all deserve to be there.

Me and my coconut water earned our place on the program!

2. Speak up and add value in your class. Unlike your undergraduate program, where you were talked at mostly by the lecturer, these adult education programs have a strong peer-learning component. Class participation via discussions, asking and answering questions is the order of the day. Remember that you do have valid experiences to share. Several people in your class may have no Nigerian/African/emerging markets experience, and so, part of your value-add is giving them that perspective. If all you do when you open your mouth is abuse your country/continent, then you have lost an opportunity to change the narrative. That said, don’t now make yourself Minister of Africa Affairs and start making up random facts about Nigeria/Africa in the name of just having something to say ALL THE TIME (Google will disgrace you, lol). Also, regardless of how hot your story/perspective is, please don’t be a microphone hoarder – make your point in a crisp concise way and let other people speak too. If there is no point to be made, then silence is golden, as usual. No one wants to be around an ITK (I too know a.k.a. Mr/Ms Know It All) 😊

Not every time teach people about African business, sometimes teach them about African dance!

3. Focus on learning as much as you can and enjoying every moment of it. The academic element of these programs is just one aspect – don’t rob yourself of all the benefits of the other aspects. If there is a field trip, join it. If there is a community outreach program, volunteer for it. If there is a talent show night, sign up for it and have a good laugh at yourself. Unlike your undergraduate program, this is not just about getting straight As, so ensure you are a well-rounded student developing all aspects of yourself.

Global Leaders also Talent Show Performers

4. Invest in building a strong network. Please, please, please, don’t spend all your free time on WhatsApp/Skype calls with people back at home – go and hang out with your classmates too. Don’t get me wrong, you should still carve out time to connect with friends/family back at home (they are truly a support system through this period) but don’t make yourself a hermit because of that. If the only time your classmates see you is during class, then you could have saved yourself a huge chunk of money and just signed up for an online degree. Think about it for a moment – you can learn most of what is being taught via online courses. In this era of open education, a lot of these Ivy League schools now have their MBA curriculum available on online platforms, sometimes for free, so you can easily learn all these things from the comfort of your home. So, since you decided to go all the way for a full-time program, then you might as well benefit from being physically present in school.

With my Pedro (my Portuguese brother) and his folks – 2016

The richness of these in-person programs is the interactions with classmates and the opportunity to build strong networks. It is hard to build a solid network when you are absent, so I encourage you to be present and really show up. If you think attending classes is enough to help you build this network, let me break your heart. When you are in class, there can only be one person speaking at a time. If your lecturer is speaking, your side gist with your new-found friend is classified as noise. If you are not the one answering a question, any other sounds you make is classified as noise. If you have not been instructed to pair up with a classmate to have a quick discussion about a topic, any other conversation in class is classified as noise. And even though, they are not writing list of noisemakers, you surely don’t want to be labeled as the noisy person from Nigeria (or wherever else you are from) who is disrupting the learning experience for everyone. My point is this, the strong bonds you want to build with your classmates will not happen in class – No! These bonds will be formed outside of the lecture room – when you are doing a group project together, when you are having lunch/dinner together, when you go on a group trip together, when you plan/host an event together, when you train for a marathon together, when you find yourself at the gym together. Notice how none of these activities can be done in absentia? Notice how you have to be physically present and truly present to be able to have the conversations that deepen/strengthen bonds? Being a hermit is not the way forward!

With Pedro again in 2019

5. Say NO to parapo! For those of you who like ‘parapo’ and will only hang out with people who look exactly like you – you should have saved your money and gone to a school here in Nigeria. Again, this is an opportunity to EXPAND your network, so take advantage of it and meet people from other parts of the world. Don’t neglect the fellowship of your fellow countrymen (I love my INSEAD 16J Naija crew to bits) but make sure you connect with other people – those friendships are equally valuable. Think about it as an opportunity to experience another country/culture without physically going there and securing free accommodation whenever you finally decide to physically travel to that country. There will always be space for you on a friend’s couch in any corner of the world, BUT you have to make the investments in those friendships upfront.

My 16J peeps (excl Deji) – from Fontainebleau to an owambe!

6. Actively seek new experiences (both in and out of class) This might seem obvious, but it is not. We are creatures of habit and our default is to stick to what we already know and are most familiar with. Let me start from the new experiences in class. Step out of your comfort zone to learn new things. Are you a finance guru? Then use the opportunity to learn about strategy and marketing. Are you an ex strategy consultant? Then this is the time to take elective courses in consumer psychology and organizational theory. I made a deliberate attempt to pick electives that were completely outside my comfort zone, and those were the courses where I learnt the most! I had been initially terrified of finance, so I took 3 electives in finance. I thought I hated/was no good at entrepreneurship (because back in the day, in my head, entrepreneurship was just buying and selling), so I took 2 electives in entrepreneurship and they completely changed my thinking. Of course, I scored my lowest grades in these courses because I was starting from a very low knowledge bases in those areas, but I repeat, those courses were the areas where I learnt the most and really grew professionally. Remember that grades are not everything at this point, so it’s a great opportunity to take the risk to learn something new!

My face when those new courses wanted to kill me!
Professor Pekka taught me my hardest Finance course (and lowest scoring course) ever!!!!!

Outside of class, it is the same principle – meet/hang out with new people (not just your fellow Naija peeps you whine with about how much you miss party jollof and asun, lol), visit new cities or countries in the name of field trips or weekend getaways, get involved in clubs/societies (but still remember the child of who you are, lol), try new foods (not every time dodo), etc. If you are a super-planned person, do something spontaneous for once in your life (this is how I ended up jumping on a road trip from Fontainebleau to Amsterdam last minute – made the decision at 5am and was on the road by 7am). If you are always spontaneous, try planning something for a group – just to see how things work on the other side of life, lol. Test yourself, push the boundaries, experiment! Afterall, you are a student, and nobody can sack you from being a student (except you do something extreme).

With the crazy folks I went on the Amsterdam road trip with!
With my Cameroon pepper, South African biltong and Chinese fried rice, lol

I can go on and on but let me stop here. Going away for my MBA was one of the most transformative experiences of my life. I met myself all over again (got the chance to live out some of my personal values and discovered some of my weaknesses and prejudices), rediscovered some latent gifts (I started writing again in b-school – see my first published article here), made some amazing lifelong friends/connections (local and international) and had a great time learning and living my best life (traveled to 9/10 countries while I was there and had some incredible cultural experiences).

Arriving at my 30th country (Croatia) with some of my favorite people! ❤

I celebrate you again for making it all the way to this point and I really encourage you to make the best of this experience you are about to have.

As always, I am more than happy to answer your questions (to the best of my knowledge) in the comments section.

Cheers to an amazing year (or two) ahead!

Kemi

Life Lately: Meeting THE Mrs Awosika and a cocktail of flight-related adventures

Hello my people! How dey go dey go? Like play like play, we are already in the second half of 2019! Where is time flying to, please? I still vividly remember December 2018 like it was just yesterday and now it is July!! Wow! Thank God that we are still alive and well and we have hope for a brighter tomorrow. It has been quite a year for me – some major stretching professionally – but it has still been an incredible year and for this, I am deeply grateful to God.

The bags under my eyes are what? Gucci!

I wrote this post in the air – on a flight back to Lagos – and I was listening to Beyoncé’s new album – The Lion King: The Gift. Btw, my MS-Word corrected my spelling of Beyonce’s name by putting the apostrophe on the last ‘e’ – what a wow! When will MS-Word know how to spell my name properly o??? Anyways, I have added my name to dictionary on my laptop, that will have to do for now. Lol. Back to the album, I have listened to it back to back about 5 times over the last couple of days and I have a few favorites already – Bigger, The Stars (who would have thought I would love hearing skibirobo roborebe side-by-side James Earl Jones’ voice, lol),  Find Your Way Back,  Ja Ara E, Mood 4 Eva, Brown Skin Girl (lol, before nko?), Keys to the Kingdom, Already (where Beyoncé tried hard to give us a Nigerian accent, hehehehehe) and My Power. Wait o, is that not the whole album already? *covers face*. It is a very solid album. There are 2 songs (I will not call any names please, lol) that I still don’t understand how they made it to the album but what do I know about music? Lol.

Let me allow them sing, my own is just to dance

To atone for my silence, I am going to publish not just one but TWO blog posts this week! Did I hear you scream ‘Yassssssssssssss’?? Hahaha! I am excited about it as well! This first post this Life Lately post where we will catch up on what I have been up to over the last 5-6 weeks, and the next post will be dedicated to our brethren who are heading to school this season. In my last post, I asked you for post suggestions and one of the ideas I got was to write about my MBA experience and so that is what the second post will be about.

Alrrrright, leggo! Hmm, where do I start? I have been super busy at work and my local work trips have become more regular. Given the rainy season and all the accompanying thunderstorms, I am particularly grateful for any flight that takes off and lands safely without any drama. I can’t shout abeg. The airlines have also been quite well-behaved, but Air Peace did me strong thing 2 weeks ago! My 7:30pm flight got moved to 9pm (I forgave them for giving me advance notice, so I did not get to the airport too early) but that flight did not leave till about 11:20pm. Initially we were all making jokes about the flight being delayed because the airline did not want us to miss any part of the Nigeria vs South Africa AFCON match but by 11pm (when the match was over, the post-match commentary was over and the players sef had gone to sleep), it was no longer funny o.

Nigeria is a goooal!!!! Thank God we won the match that night!

We got to Lagos past midnight and I only got home like an hour later. I was tired to my bone marrow, but I still had to wake up early for work the next day. Local woman was not the happiest bunny that day. I think the worst part of this experience is that our bags were left in the rain for hours while we waited for our flight to arrive, so by the time we got to Lagos and picked our bags, they were soaking wet. EVERYTHING in my box was soaked and dripping in water. I was just weak.

I just taya!

Can you imagine if I had kept some important documents in my box? Ehn? Air Peace, please do better next time. T for thanks.

Excuse me please – behave better!

Speaking of local trips, I also went to Enugu to celebrate the life of my dear friend’s father. It was a true celebration of life and the amazing legacy he left behind, and I was grateful that I could be there for my friend and her family. We are not only friends for the jollof times, we are also friends for the not-so-jollof moments. The Enugu that I went to was not the city Enugu o, it was a proper little town about 2 hours away from the airport. I had braced myself for an adventure, but nothing prepared me for the hotel I stayed at. Hahahahahaha. Just thinking about it now is making me crack up again.

With my sisters in Enugu

When I checked in, I noticed that the slippers provided in the room had 2 different designs. I thought it was a mistake, so I asked the lady with me about it. She responded and said it was intentional. She explained that guests had been pilfering their slippers, so they paired 2 different legs to discourage people from stealing the slippers. I thought it was pretty genius! I mean, who wants to be seen walking around town in 2 different slippers? What will I not see in this life? Lol.

Design Innovation toh bad, hehehehehe

I also got to ride in a vintage Peugeot 504 car, alongside Akaoma, Tobi and Omo. We were so intrigued by it, we did a whole photoshoot with the car, lol.  Shout-out to the driver of the car for not getting impatient with us while we took photos.

The vintage car
Can you 504 babes ever????

Still on flights, I almost missed a connecting flight last week. Same culprit as the last time I almost missed a flight – sleep! But this time, I had a good reason, lol. I had taken some cold/flu medication and it knocked me out completely. I figured someone would sha wake me up when we got to the last stop, and indeed, the air hostess woke me up to adjust my seat and prepare for landing. What I didn’t realize was that the medication hadn’t finished its work on me, so while I waited for my connecting flight, I dozed off without setting an alarm. My flight was at 8:30am and the next time I opened my eyes was 8:00am.

If I was in Murtala Mohammed International Airport, it would not have been a problem. However, this was almighty Heathrow that is so big, they have trains within the airport. Oh boy, see race! I raaaaaaaaaaaaaaan like my life depended on it. Unfortunately for me, the place where I slept off was in a different section from where my boarding gate so I had to run FAST. In my defense, they had not announced the departure gate for my connecting flight when I slept, so I couldn’t have known where to go earlier. Anyway, I ran into the transit train, ran out of the train, started running up a long escalator and then boom – I fell! Jesus take the wheel! Brethren, I did not have time to feel pain, I got up and continued running. Remember that I had a cold, so my chest was working overtime, but I could not afford to miss the flight, so I just kept running.

Last photo of local woman before she dozed off, lol

I finally got to the boarding gate at 8:22am and thankfully, they let me through. Pheeew. It was when I sat down I realized I had a cut on my left leg and my right palm was bruised from my escalator fall. That scar on my left leg is my thanksgiving memorial o – what if I had woken up 15mins later? I would have missed the flight, missed the training I was going to facilitate and just looked irresponsible to my colleagues. I mean, how do I explain that I missed my flight while I was at the airport 4 hours early? I am not sure what the moral of the story is, but it must be somewhere between set an alarm before you doze off and ask your family and friends to call you until you wake up especially when you’ve taken medication that makes you sleep, lol.

Another random thing happened to me on one of my many flights – I have been on not less than 15 flights in the last 6 weeks so you can understand how hectic things have been and why most of the gist is flight-related. I needed to change into warm clothes, so I went into the toilet as soon as I boarded the flight. I guess because I was rushing, I didn’t notice that someone had forgotten to flush properly after they did a sticky number 2. It was after I had changed that I saw it. Kai! I was about to bounce out in disgust when I realized that there might be someone waiting to use the bathroom and if they came in after me, they would think I was the one who messed up the bathroom. Chai – what kind of wahala is this? My fine girl reputation would be destroyed!

I mean, can you imagine this brown skin girl’s rep being tainted? Lol

I tried flushing a few times, but this sticky business was beyond the power of the flushing pressure. *hot tears* I won’t go into details of how it got sorted but what I can tell you is that I walked out of that bathroom with my head held up high feeling like I had done something for the black race. You see, the flight was not from Nigeria and black folks were in the minority, so you understand why it was so important to me that I didn’t destroy our rep! I didn’t want to perpetuate any stereotypes of black people being dirty and blah blah blah. We are all ambassadors of our gender, ethnicity, race, faith affiliations, etc., and it is important that we leave a good impression all day, every day. Next time you see me, please give me my badge of heroism for taking one for the team, lol.

I think the most exciting update is my meeting with Mrs Ibukun Awosika. *runs around the room again in excitement* The backstory to this is that I had done an interview with Leading Ladies Africa and mentioned that if I got the chance, I would like to have lunch with Mrs Awosika. I just put it out there in the universe and left it there. As I always say, a closed mouth is a closed destiny o! (Credit goes to Bishop Oyedepo for the original quote).

Where I shot my shot – shout-out to Aderinsola for this fabulous headline!!

Someone ( Hi BukStar 😘) picked it up on my IG story and then orchestrated a connection to Mrs Awosika via her EA. A few weeks later, my flight got canceled so I couldn’t travel to Abuja as planned. That same day, I got an impromptu call to meet Mrs Awosika within 4 hours. Guyssssss, I couldn’t believe it! God had orchestrated that flight cancellation just to ensure I was in Lagos to make that meeting. I met with her and it was A M A Z I N G. She spent more time than planned with me, answered all my questions honestly and then prayed for me from the bottom of her heart. It was much better than I could have imagined. That woman is LIGHT and POWER and HUMILITY and WISDOM and GRACE all wrapped in one. I can’t even adequately explain the experience of meeting and spending time with her.

With THE Mrs A – can you see how star-struck I was/am?

After the meeting, I went straight to the bathroom to do a happy thanksgiving dance and calm down, lol. I needed some time to just breathe and recover from the awesomeness that I had experienced.

In the bathroom after my happy dance, lol

The best part of this story is that our meeting inspired her to begin a Life Series program for young women. The first edition held a few weeks after we met, and I was so bummed that I couldn’t attend because I was out of town. She spent 7 hours on her feet speaking with over 60 participants and I got messages from folks that attended saying it was life-changing. I am just so humbled that my meeting with her inspired her to reach out to more people, and those people are now so blessed just because I shot my shot! It is such a beautiful feeling and I am grateful to God.

First edition of The Life Series with Ibukun Awosika (inspired by yours humbly)

Whooooooosssssh!!!!!! Let me just use this opportunity to remind you that your dreams are not just for you. Your desire to become should not just be for your own pocket – our destinies and journeys are interlinked and each of us must play our parts to ensure we don’t shortchange each other. What dream are you still sleeping on? What gifts/talents are you sitting on? What are you holding yourself back from doing? Get up and get moving NOW! I (and all the people whose destinies are tied to yours) need you to do your thing so that we can rise and jollof together, abeg!

Remember to be a good ambassador wherever you find yourself – either in an airplane toilet or in a meeting with your role model – we are all counting on you!

Cheers to our rising and becoming!

Hugs,
Kemi

Life Lately: The Jordan trip that was not and Lessons from my closet sale

Helllllooooo!!! Ki lon pop? What’s popping? How are you doing? It has been a while since my last post, but since I promised one post per month and May has not ended, we are still alright, right? I knew you would understand – chop kiss! 😊

🤗🤗🤗:

Speaking of my last post, whoosh! The comments and reshares were quite overwhelming in a good way. I was so surprised, and the best part was that a lot of people said it was very timely. Oluwa is involved in this blog matter o! I actually wrote a post in my gratitude journal thanking the Holy Spirit for the inspiration to write that post and for making it resonate with a lot of people. Oluwa is always involved and it makes life so exciting!

*now singing* You and I are meant to be together, baby; can’t you see, you are the only one for me!!! I am currently listening to Plantashun Boiz’s album and it is bringing back so many memories. If you don’t know who the Plantashun Boiz are, please dear, you must start calling me Aunty Kemi. T for thanks!

Call me Aunty K for short, lol

I am sure you might have been looking out for my photos and videos from y Easter in Jordan. *sigh* Brethren, Jordan did not happen o! The story is not very long; we were denied our visas because we are Nigerians. Going into details will just give me “sifia“chest pain again so I will not bother. However, I have to commend Naija Nomads for pulling every string possible to make it happen. However, the strings were not long enough just because we were Nigerians. To say I was disappointed would be a gross understatement – I mean Jordan was supposed to be Country 40 and just a whole vibe. We had planned to go to the ancient city of Petra (which is one of the 7 New Wonders of the World) and even sleep in bubble tents in the desert. The itinerary was LIT and the group was even LITTER. But all that ‘litness’ was just for the WhatsApp group o, hehehehehehe. It was not to be exported to Jordan, lol.

A few folks went to Lebanon instead (again, shout-out to Naija Nomad for planning an epic alternative trip in less than a week) while the rest of us licked our wounds in Lagos/PH and Abuja, lol. I can’t even remember what I did that weekend except going to watch the incredible Moremi production at Terra Kulture. The awesomeness of the show helped heal my broken heart small sha.

*Sigh*

All the recent visa gymnastics happening to my beloved green passport are just making me weak – from the suspension of drop-box renewal process for the US visa, to Schengen visas now requiring appointments (instead of the previous walk-in style), and Mozambique now being extra about Nigerians getting visas on arrival – it is all just sad! *deep sigh*

Moving on to happier topics, I have been going to a LOT of weddings of late! In the last 6 weeks, I have attended 3 weddings – one wedding every other weekend! It is like it is 2012 again and there is a fresh wave of people getting married.

With the Chairlady of the 2012 Wedding Gang

You know I love LOVE and it is always a privilege to share in the love of my people. As you know, wedding reception parties go on till forever these days, so Sunday mornings have been a struggle. However, your favorite usher has always found a way to ‘gbe body e’ – nobody sent me work to be doing butterfly on Saturday night, lol.

Forever lifting hands -no matter how tired

Last week Monday was rough – I had spent Sunday evening partying with my girl, Stephanie Obi, celebrating the 30th anniversary of her 3rd birthday where I was both MC and hype man. To now arise on Monday was a STRUGGLE! I just wonder how people who drink alcohol can function normally the morning after a party, when ordinary chapman and zanku leave me so exhausted! Please if you have any party recovery tips, please share in the comments section. Thank you!!!

Monday morning struggle face
The enjoyment face the day before, lol

It has not been partying galore all the way o – I have also had some speaking engagements – Lagos Shapers ‘Meet the Leader’ series and the RCCG LP35 Career Fair. It is always a privilege to be asked to come and share and I remain grateful to God for continued relevance. There are a few more speaking engagements coming up.
I have also written articles for both Spark by Business Day (click here to download) and Leading Ladies Africa (click here to read). I have read 3 books – Risk and Return Africa, Love Letter to My Ex and A Petty Trader Driven By Purpose. It seems to be busy season, but God always gives grace! Halleluyah!

The one event I am most proud of is the closet sale I held last weekend. It was a private event for about 20 of my younger friends that I fondly call my aburos (i.e. younger sisters). I had done some spring cleaning at my family house during the elections period (all the curfews and cancelled election days did not go to waste) and decided to give out most of the clothes. I realized that because I lived across 2 places, I had clothes sitting fallow all over the place. To be honest, I did not give away ALL the clothes I packed from my family house, but I would say about 90% of them made it to the closet sale stash. It is not very easy to give away baffs (a.k.a. nice clothes), especially when they still fit and are in top condition. In fact, it is HARD, but I did it!! I will share some of the lessons I learnt from that experience.

Your children/people are always watching. Shout-out to Mama Kemi for being a good role model of the ‘if you have not worn an outfit in 6-9 months, then it does not belong to you anymore’ principle. My mum always gave out clothes that were in great condition, if she had not worn them in 6-9 months. Unfortunately for me, we have never been the same size, so I never benefited from it, but her example registered in my brain. A few times when I still lived at home, we would do spring cleaning together, so she could add my clothes to the stash going to the missionaries. Her example made it easier for me to do the same. Some of the folks who came to the event have decided to do the same for the teenagers in their spheres of influence. So cool!!!

Mama K – my role model

Pay it forward whenever you can. I have been a massive beneficiary of my both my ‘OluwaMama’ and my Aunt/Deputy Mummy’s frequent wardrobe clear-outs. I have saved a ton of money from not having to buy clothes because these angels were steady supplying me baffs. I am a big believer in Matthew 10 vs 8b – ‘Freely you have received; freely give’ and this was my opportunity to pay it forward.

Use your network for the benefit of others. Although a few of my aburos had been raiding my wardrobe for months, hosting a proper event was a way to spread the love to more people and provide a platform for them to meet each other. I believe in the power of strong peer networks and since most of them are in the same stage of life, I felt they would benefit from connecting/networking with one another. I saw meaningful connections being formed and by the end of the event, contact details were being exchanged. That made me so happy! On a lighter note, I think I also needed an excuse to order small chops to my house, hehehehehe.

Just chilling and gisting

It is hard to do big things alone. Even though I had my stash since March, I only got around to executing the event last week. I was trying to do it by myself but just felt overwhelmed every time I thought about it. I would never have pulled it off without my squad of ‘helpers’ – same squad that helped with the 2018 Christmas giveaway. In just about 2 weeks after I shared the idea/vision and assigned tasks, we were able to successfully host the event, yaaay. It is important to have a team that you can work with to execute your ideas. I also leveraged my Karen Ubani Apparel brand ambassador status (hehehe) to buy some items from their clearance stock and those items moved like hot agege bread. The ‘helpers’ that were helping to sort and tag the clothes wanted to even buy everything before the party started, lol.

Half of the squad – thank you my ladies!!!

Tying things to a higher purpose makes you do better. When I initially thought about this closet sale, I was super uncomfortable about charging a token for the items (most of the items were between N1,000 and N7,000). I wanted the aburos to attach some value to what they got but I also didn’t want it to be as if I was broke and now trying to raise money, hehehehehe. So, I let them know that the proceeds would go to a charity of choice. By Monday afternoon, after the tithe (because Oluwa is always involved) and some costs were deducted (the small chops didn’t fall from heaven), we remitted the balance to the Joy Hub – a non-clinical, non-judgmental, non-discriminatory emotional and mental health walk-in centre where young people dealing with depression, trauma, anxiety and thoughts of suicide can access help. If you want to give to the Joy Hub, please visit http://joyinc.xyz/support-the-work.

We all know how important the issue of tackling mental health is, so this was our little contribution to the cause. I know that my sales girl swag was 10x more because I knew the sales were for a higher purpose and not just for my pocket. You should have seen me recommending outfits and styling people like my life depended on it.

The closet sale was a huge success; people shopped, networked and I got to share some personal experience through a totally unplanned and informal Q&A session. There was also a bit of a prophetic prayer session towards the end because Oluwa is always INVOLVED!

Happy people with their goodies!!!

If you know you have more clothes than necessary, maybe you should consider doing a closet sale too. Even for those of you who think you don’t have enough clothes, if your waist line and your baffs are not on the same level anymore, maybe you should also consider doing a closet sale (about 20% of the clothes in the sale were in this category, lol). If you are relocating to Canada, do a closet sale (you won’t need all your local champion baffs in Canada, lol).

You need to get rid of the old to make space for the new! The same day I did the closet sale, I got 2 new outfits gifted to me! Coincidence? I don’t think so.

One of the new outfits I got – thank you again Ebun 🙂

Alright, I think we are mostly caught up on what has been going on since I last posted. I am gathering the ginger to do the MBA post (Holy Spirit, please breathe on my brain) and I am looking forward to sharing it with you all soon. In the meantime, please let me know what topics you want me to write about in the comment section.

Shout-out to the best sibling and housemate ever for putting up with my party, lol

Testimony time – one of my closest aburos got a fully funded scholarship to attend the school of her dreams! I use her as a point of contact for everyone trusting God for such a miracle – I look forward to reading/hearing your own testimonies shortly in Jesus name! Amen!

Stay blessed everyone, stay joyful (despite all the higi-haga in the land) and stay hydrated, lol.

Hugs,
Kemi

Kemi’s guide to financing your adult education dreams

Hi guys! Happy New Month! How have you been? How did Q1 go? Did you smash all your goals? Did you make some progress? I hope you are not beating yourself up about weight you did not lose, or the opportunities you did not seize. There is no time to be sad o! Abeg, get up, gbera and keep it moving! Legggo!!!

I have been asked several times about my MBA experience, and although this blogpost is not about that (yet), it is about a topic that is just as important – how to pay school fees for graduate school! I don’t really believe in coincidences as I think all my steps are ordered by God and He already knows the end from the beginning. I had been nursing thoughts about writing this blogpost on my flight today, especially after I got a reminder email from someone who had asked for guidance on the topic. However, I knew I had to do it when I bumped into a friend who I had bonded with on this ‘looking for school fees’ matter back in 2015! 😊 We got into business school the same year – INSEAD and LBS – and we both had the same headache about funding. Almost 3 years down the line, we sat together on the plane and reminisced about how God saw us through that period and I took that as my cue to write. So, here we go!

Sister-Sister

A lot of people have given up on their graduate school dreams (or even avoided dreaming at all) because of this money matter. I understand how lofty some dreams can seem, especially when you convert all your life savings into USD and the number of zeros just reduces by half. But I have good news for you! I am yet to meet anyone who got admission into a good school and was unable to attend because of funding problems. This matter always resolves itself one way or the other, and I want to share with you some of the ways that The Able God can use to ensure your insufficient funds somehow become sufficient for this graduate school project.

There are 2 major ways through which you can raise school fees and living expenses – your money and other people’s money (OPM).  For self-funding (using your money), I think it is quite straightforward, this is a combination of your investments and any savings you have stashed away somewhere (hopefully not just under your mattress). The key thing about savings is making sure that you are saving in foreign currency too, so that you are protected from the ‘higi-haga’ of exchange rate ‘krinkum-krankum’. Side bar – where is Honorable Patrick these days? I miss him, lol.

Back to the matter. I recall that I started saving about 3 years before I finally went to school. Every month after I was paid my salary, I would ping my aboki, transfer Naira to him and then wait for him to pay the equivalent USD amount into my local domiciliary account. A good number of commercial banks offer domiciliary account services in the major currencies so go and get one open quickly. I started with $100, gradually increased it as my income increased, and kept the discipline until I had saved quite a decent amount. I told myself that even if I did not get admission, at least I would have saved up enough to buy a house, and having aggregated cash is just priceless. I honestly don’t know why I was saving in USD but when the devaluation hit in 2015, boy, was I thankful that I did!! If I had saved the same amount in Naira, it would have still been a lot of Naira but HALF of the USD that I needed to pay my fees. Sadly, abroad schools don’t collect Naira so I would have been on my own – thank God for the Holy Spirit that moves us to do things we might not even understand until we look back in retrospect.

Thank You Lord!!!

Depending on the school you go to, the labor laws in that country and the length of the program you are doing, you could also earn money from internships or part-time jobs. This extra cash can go a long way in paying your monthly bills and helping you flex small too. There is nothing like too much cash o! My French student visa did not allow me to work, but my friends in LBS could take on part-time jobs. All my LBS friends were what? BALLLLERSSSS!!! Hahahahaha.

Oh, by the way, I don’t know a lot of people who were able to afford their abroad school fees only from their savings and investments. Of course, people like that exist but I just don’t know a lot of them. So, since there are not many of us that can cut just one cheque to pay fees, let me move on swiftly to the other sources of funding that can help you bridge the gap.

I present to you – OPM. There are various flavors of OPM, from free money to educational loans from the government. The most important thing to note here is that no matter what you do, you must shoot your shot to get OPM.

Free OPM can come through scholarships, paid fellowships and gifts from benevolent friends and family members.

Scholarships/Fellowships: For this kind of OPM, you have to commit to doing the good work of research! You have to dig and seek until you find. From school websites, to websites of donor agencies, you have to keep looking. Set up ‘scholarship’ RSS alerts on select websites. This is one time when you cannot afford to find Whatsapp broadcasts too annoying, lol. Depending on the kind of groups you are on, you might receive lots of broadcasts about scholarship opportunities in New Zealand or Kuala Lumpur. Just explore! Don’t turn up your nose at anything o, there are only a few things sweeter than free money (e.g., puff-puff and golden-brown dodo).  

After you have done all your research and found some opportunities, you should now do the good work of writing winning applications. Brethren, there are no shortcuts here. You have to learn how to write a solid application OR pay for the services of someone to teach you how to write a good application and practice, practice and practice some more. The more applications you submit, the higher your chances of getting more scholarships. The more scholarships, the more money. The more money, the more balling. You see how this works? But you have to put in the work!

For benevolent family members or friends who will just dash you more, or rather, choose to invest in your career, you have to do the work of asking. Don’t let pride, fear of rejection or a silly sense of entitlement rob you of this blessing o! A closed mouth is a closed destiny, so you better open your mouth and ask. Put the word out there that you have gained admission and you are now looking for funding. When they ask, ‘how are you doing?’, you reply ‘Great! I am going to school and I am looking for funding’, lol. No matter the question, the answer is ‘I am going to school and I am currently looking for funding’. Hehehehe. Okay, don’t be obnoxious about it but also don’t be shy to ask for help. Even if they don’t have the cash, they may be able to connect you to opportunities you could not have discovered on your own.

I will like to sound a note of caution to people who feel entitled to their family member’s money. It is not your money, so you have no right to it. It is important that you ask in humility and show true appreciation when they do bless you, because they are not obligated to give you anything. We clear? Okay cool!

Soft loans: Sometimes, your friends and family might not be able to give you the full amount as a gift, but they might be able to offer it as a soft loan. They might also offer soft loans to you to ensure that you don’t squander the money they are investing in your career and they can get some Return on Investment (ROI). A soft loan is essentially a loan that has more lenient terms compared to regular bank loans. For example, if banks are offering loans at 20% and asking for immediate repayment, you could get a soft loan from a rich friend at 5% and ask to start repaying 3-6 months after graduation when you should have secured a job.

The important thing to note here is to not be entitled or get offended when someone decides to offer their support to you as a loan instead of as a gift. Again, remember, it is their money and they can administer it as they please. I remember applying for a soft loan from a family member of mine and with all the documentation I submitted, you would have thought I was applying for a loan from The Central Bank, lol. I wrote an application letter, humbly stated my preferred terms (interest rate, grace period and repayment period), explained how I thought I would be able to pay back within the timeframe and included a simple financial model showing the repayment schedule. I even went as far as assuring him that my total monthly loan repayments (including my other not-so-soft loans) would not surpass 30% of my monthly income, which is the general rule of thumb for payroll loans. I am sure he was impressed by the level of ‘professionalism’ of my application, and to the glory of God, he approved my application and gave me the funds. Halleluyah!! You know the best part, at the point of repayment, he waived the interest and only asked for the principal! I know God must have touched his heart, but I also know that if I had asked casually or flippantly, I might not have found favor in his sight, in the first place. So, shoot your shot but shoot it well! The God of favor will be with you! Amen!

Oh God of Favor, answer Your children!!!

Final category of OPM are the educational loans from certain institutions or governments, depending on the country of study. This is usually targeted at tuition paymemts. Sadly, the Nigerian government does not provide educational loans (yet) and it is suicidal to try to get a regular loan from a commercial bank to pay school fees. You won’t have even finished first semester before they start asking for loan repayment with exorbitant interest rates. Hian! Some countries offer student loans to international students, if the student has 1-2 guarantors who are citizens. In some other regions of the world, Prodigy Finance (which was set up by an INSEAD alum to provide affordable student loans to students from countries with no educational loans like Nigeria) is a viable option. I took a Prodigy loan at a great interest rate (less than half of commercial banks’ lending rates) and a 7-year repayment period starting 6 months post-graduation. I am still repaying monthly and every time I do that transfer, I just thank God again!

Again, you must do your research about what is available in the countries you are considering and find what works best for your personal situation. In all of this, you will need to keep looking to The Able & Willing God for favor, wisdom, discretion and direction.

In summary, I used a combination of the Prodigy loan and a soft loan to cover my tuition, while my savings and a small scholarship from a philanthropist’s family office helped cover my living expenses (rent, food, travel, transport, winter clothes, etc). You shaa won’t starve because you are trying to get an advanced degree.

I hope this has been helpful. Let me know if I missed out any other funding sources in the comments section. Remember, I don’t know anyone who got admission and was unable to go to school because of funding, so dream again, apply to schools and start doing your research. The world (and your school) is waiting for you! God is too good and faithful to leave you out in the cold.

Hugs,

Kemi

p.s – I am off to Jordan with Naija Nomads in a couple of weeks. I am still calm because work is plenty, lol but the ginger will soon fall on me. Watch out!